I’d like to explore a completely new epiphany. I’ve recently learned about the terms highly sensitive child (HSC) and highly sensitive person (HSP). For a couple of years now, Amazon Books has been suggesting to me that I read the Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron and I’ve had it on my to-do list for awhile now. I finally bit the bullet and downloaded the audio version and it’s been extremely eye opening. I can feel a perspective shift happening in our household—veering away from pathologizing behaviors and thought patterns and recognizing how temperament plays a role in individual and family dynamics.
For those who are unfamiliar with the terms HSC and HSP, Elaine Aron asks the following questions to help you determine if you possess the trait:
- Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?
- Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
- Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
- Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?
- Do you make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?
- Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
- Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
- When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?
Personally, I can answer affirmatively to 7 out of 8 of these questions. It’s incredibly validating to learn that my way of being/thinking/feeling is a temperament, albeit a minority one, and not an abnormality. As a child, my people were frequently criticizing my sensitivities and I often heard statements such as: “ she needs to lighten up” or “she’s too intense”, making me feel ashamed of who I was.
I’ve always been extremely shy, embarrassed easily and generally socially anxious. There have been points in my life where I managed quite well and confidently, like in undergrad (for the most part) and other times completely burnt out and unable to manage my life, like when I had a very uptight, high-pressure corporate gig at a large bank. I remember having an eye twitch for weeks, unable to sleep, unable to manage my workload, unable to communicate my challenges in any coherent fashion and ultimately spiraling into a full-on burn out, which included walking out on my job and responsibilities. Luckily, I have an understanding husband who was able to support me mentally and physically through this scary period; otherwise, I’m not sure where I would have ended up.
Looking back on this particular rough period, I think had I understood my temperament better, I wouldn’t have tried to force myself into the career that I thought I had should have. As a sensitive person who is prone to demand-avoidance (especially when in high-stress and high-pressure situations), I now know that I need a gentler, more nurturing environment. I tend to process things at a slow speed and a fast-paced corporate gig just doesn’t jive with who I am.
Are you or a family member Highly Sensitive? How do you think it has affected the choices you’ve made (or didn’t make) in life?